Learning Opportunities Abound

Selamat Sore!

It may be a bit too early to tell, but I think I may actually be starting to feel a deeper connection to this place. I know I know, I'm nearly halfway through, and perhaps you're thinking, "Well it's about time!" However, those of you who have done this kind of thing (and who are not Jason Horlings, the world's most adaptable SALTer :p) probably understand what I mean by this. Learning a new language, navigating a new culture, and adapting to an entirely new lifestyle, takes time. It is only in the last few weeks that I have started to feel like I'm in a bit more of a groove with teaching, like I may potentially have some people whom I could call my friends, and like I might actually be on the cusp of grasping- and responding appropriately to- a cultural difference or two. That said, it seems that as soon as I think I have one thing understood, another (or three more) thing pops up, and I'm reminded that I still have a LOT to learn. There truly were three new blatant "cultural learning opportunities" this week, and I have Pak Thio, a very wise and insightful man, to thank for confirming and clarifying two of them...

After almost every meal, my host mom and I have the same conversation with regards to helping clean up. I bring my dishes to the counter and ask if she needs help. She always says no, and provides a reason why not. I always say "are you sure?" and she always says "yes" and so I thank her for the meal, and head off to do other things. This response stems from my own upbringing, particularly in regards to what I see in our family's kitchen. My mom is a straightforward woman, and if she wants help, she'll ask. However, more often than not, she'll turn down the offer for help. She finds it easier to do the clean up herself (and I don't complain about this at all) because she knows her kitchen and she has her way of doing things established. She's always appreciative of the offers, but I know with absolute certainty that when she says she doesn't need/want help, she is not just being polite! I have also grown up in a direct culture, where people will take you up on the help you offer, usually on the first offer, and if not, definitely on the second (or the tone of their voice is indicative of what they are trying to say). Here, because of the indirect culture, a lack of ability on my part to fully grasp tone, and my own personal observations of my mom, I have been thinking that my host mom truly doesn't want help, and have not wanted to get in the way of whatever she is accustomed to doing. However, on Sunday, I was at a retreat, and asked if the people inside needed help setting up. I asked this to Pak Thio, and (without knowing of my daily interactions with my host mom) his response was, "In Indonesia, people will almost always turn down the offer. If you truly want to help, you just... help. Try it, and see what their response is!" (Un)fortunately, when I got there, the set-up was complete, but now I know that trying to help without asking is the way to go, and I'm sure I'll have many opportunities to put this theory into practice.

In the same conversation with Pak Thio, I was asked if my host sister was joining the retreat. When I said no, he asked, "Why?", to which I had no answer. She just... didn't join. This interaction forged a conversation about justification and explanation. In Indonesia, I have found myself constantly having to answer questions that are, in my eyes, completely unnecessary and leave me thinking "Why do you care?" (and I don't think that in a nice way). Questions like Why do you like this food and not that food?, Why didn't you come to this event?, Why did you go here or there at this or that time via this or that mode of transportation? Where are you going right now? How are you getting there?, can really REALLY get to me, because either I feel like my shred of independence is being ripped from me, or I simply cannot answer them- It just is the way it is! I don't know why! Pak Thio told me that here, people back up what they say. You always provide a reason. Coming from an individualistic culture, where no one could care less whether I rode my bike or walked or drove to the store, I have sometimes felt like I'm being interrogated. I realize now that this is a way of communication, a way of showing interest and demonstrating concern for other people. These questions are not just asked of me- everyone asks everyone the same type of questions! In changing my view on these Q&A sessions, I think that they can be spun into something positive.

Finally, I have come to the conclusion that complimenting attire here must not be a frequent occurrence (anyone who knows more about Indonesian culture than I do is welcome to correct me in this- I'm genuinely curious). Almost every time I compliment a shirt or a piece of jewelry, the response is either, "Oh, but this wouldn't fit you" (nice, thank you), or "Oh, do you want it?" Today, a girl was literally taking the ring off of her necklace with the intention of giving it to me. I'm not sure if this stems from me being a foreigner (I certainly hope not) or if there is some unspoken idea that a person is hinting at wanting something for themselves if they tell you they like it. I have stopped complimenting clothing in particular (three separate responses of "oh, but this will be too small for you" is enough), but I would like to get a better handle on the "compliment culture" (so many cultures!!) here, so that I know what is appropriate to say, and what is not.

My weekend with Riki was surprisingly busy. We went to the TK in the morning, and Riki gave me some much-needed encouragement in my teaching capabilities. I feel re-energized now that someone has affirmed that I'm not the world's most pathetic teacher! We headed off to reacquaint Riki with the city life after school (the village is limited in terms of resources), and then spent the evening cooking for my host parents. We made chicken, mashed potatoes and gravy, broccoli casserole, and pudding. The whole ordeal took over three hours, and I was pretty frustrated by the end of it. My poor host family didn't really get the break that I was hoping to give them by providing food since they ended up helping a lot, and then extended family arrived with even MORE food, so I think I'll take a break from "extravagant" cooking for awhile, and stick to my Mr. Noodles and KD.

On Sunday after church, we headed off on a retreat with the youth. My enthusiasm for this wasn't all too high, but the benefit of that was that it FAR exceeded my expectations, and I ended up having an AWESOME time. I was asked to lead games, and they went off without a hitch, and people laughed a LOT which I think is a good sign. There was good food, good sessions (well, good opportunities for me to read my Bible), and best of all, good opportunities to just chat with the youth. I only stayed the day (I got picked up late in the evening), but it was enough time to establish a bit more of a connection with the youth group. The location was also really beautiful- nice and cool and green and quiet- which was an added bonus.

I usually go to Salatiga on Mondays, but this past Monday there was a PPA competition that I wanted to watch. I didn't stay for the whole thing- it was an all day affair- but I stayed long enough to see some singing acts, before heading off on one last adventure with Riki. She headed out in the afternoon, and... I have no idea where the evening went! That likely means that it was a quiet one.

Tuesday was back to the normal schedule. I love the way my week goes- I go Tuesday to Saturday, but I'm eased into it with a relaxing schedule on Tuesdays. I had a free afternoon that I used to get caught up on some laundry and cleaning and much-needed sleep!

I indulged in a "thinking about home" day yesterday, and made list after list after list (I love making lists) of things like "What I'm Going to Do on My First Day Back", "Foods I Want to Eat", "My Summer Vacation Plans", and other such things. Sometimes doing that kind of thing lifts my spirits (though after 56 food items, I thought I'd better stop- it was getting obsessive!), but it can be a slippery slope, and now that it's out of my system, I'm going to fold those lists up and put them away for another time.

Today I was at PPA Sendang Guwo ("rural" PPA), and we were playing a game in the classroom with an inflatable beach ball (a teaching tool that I, a novice teacher, would highly recommend- best loonie I ever spent). The kids were learning, "My name is...." and "What is your name?" It was raining- the rainy season is in FULL swing now, after Chinese New Year- and when I threw the ball to someone on the other side of the classroom, the ball went over their head and outside. The kid stood up, hopped over a bunch of other kids in the classroom, ran out barefoot, and grabbed the ball. I looked up just in time to see a chicken squak and run frantically out of the way of the ball, its feathers puffing as she scurried to avoid the ball. I had to laugh at the uniqueness of this moment. I was in a classroom of 25 kids in the middle of a city in Java, sweating hot in January, watching chickens running about outside... These are the moments that remind me why I'm here.

Laura will visit tomorrow, and I always look forward to that!

Have a great day!
Love,
Ellery